Every Once In A While It Hits You...

So it's been 11 days since my surgery and exactly 1 month since I was told I have cancer. It's been an interesting ride so far! The first time you hear you have cancer is kind of a shock, even when somewhere deep inside you already knew. Then you go into denial, then all you can think of is the worst case scenario. Then, peace. A deep, all-knowing peace given to you by the King of Peace. Without Him I don't know how anyone could make it through something like this but thanks to my Savior, I have peace. I know that He has planned good things for me, that He is in complete control of every aspect of my life, that He loves me more than I can ever even begin to comprehend, and that He wants the absolute best for me.

But while I know and have complete peace about it all, every once in a while it still hits me - I'm being healed from cancer. My wording is intentional - I'm not suffering from cancer... I'm not wrestling with cancer... I'm not dealing with cancer. All of those statement imply that the outcome could go either way. But because I believe every word I wrote in the paragraph above, I also believe that I am being healed from cancer and the outcome is already determined.

Cancer isn't a cold. Cancer isn't the flu. It's a bit bigger of a deal than that! Thank God for God, without him what a wreck I would be... Even knowing how big it is I can still have peace in and through it all. But it still hits you. It hit me the couple of days after my surgery when I couldn't eat, I threw up every time I stood up, and my brain couldn't clear out the cobwebs. It hit me again when I met with my surgeon for a follow-up and he again went over how the surgery went and all the details (I was so out of it both times at the hospital that he told me about it that it was like hearing it again for the first time). Then it hit me again when I met with my endocrinologist on Thursday and he went over the rest of my treatment plan. But still, even though I know the craziness of this whole situation, the extent of my peace is unprecedented and I'm am beyond thankful to God for that.

I found out on Thursday that the timeline and details of the remaining treatment are slightly different than what we were initially lead to believe. I was under the impression that in a couple of weeks I'd be having my radiation and then everything would pretty much be done and over with. I was told that I would spend probably three days in the hospital then go home and things would be pretty good. I wasn't really looking forward to three days of isolation in the hospital, but I was excited that everything would be done and I'd be on my way to feeling normal again by the end of six weeks post surgery. But, well, I guess we received some wrong information.

It turns out that the timeline was WAY off. There's no more treatment than we were previously told, it's just that the treatment is going to take longer. It's not like it's going to take years or anything but still, in my mind, a couple of extra weeks is a lot of time and a huge inconvenience to a lot of people, namely my mom and mother-in-law who are helping us out during this time. With our old timeline things worked out perfectly. My mom is here now, for the first three weeks of post-op help, then my mother-in-law is coming for my second three weeks of post-op to help with things that I'm still not supposed to do (like lift anything more than 15-20 lbs, i.e. my 1 1/2 year old). With the old timeline my radiation would have been early on during my mother-in-law's stay so she would be here to take care of the kids while I was in the hospital.

But things change. Now I'm not scheduled to have my radiation until April. That means that an extra trip has to be made by my mom to come and stay with us again while I can't touch anyone for at least 5 days and then I still have to keep my distance for the most part for a bit after that. If we lived closer to our family it wouldn't be as big of a deal, but it's a 7-8 hour plane ride for them to come and a decent chunk of money too. But I'm so thankful for them willing to give up so much time away from their husbands, homes and jobs to come and help us out. But God still remains faithful through it all and is handling the details and giving me peace.

So here's the new, adjusted timeline: I get to take a pretty high dose of hormone replacement pills for a couple of weeks to help me feel good until I'm ready for my radiation. I'll be doing that until March 13th (which is Jeff's b-day so at least I'll get to feel good for that) then stop taking them so that my body is ready to receive the radioactive iodine a couple of weeks later. The three weeks that I'm off my pills could be interesting as I will probably feel "draggy" according to the doctors. A week after I stop taking my pills I get to start a low-iodine diet which will be special and continue that until a couple of days after my radiation. Then about a week later (probably March 29th) I get to take a really low dose of radioactive iodine and then two days later get a full-body scan to see if there is any spread of the cancer and just to get an idea of what the radiation is trying to kill so that we can ensure that it's all gone at the end of this. A week after that, April 5th, I will get the treatment dose of radiation and then be pretty much locked up in my room at home (not in the hospital like we were originally told, at least most likely, but they're double checking as I'm having a higher than normal amount of radiation because they had found some slight spread into the surrounding tissue during surgery, very slight but still there). After 5 days I should be able to at least touch people again. It's not that I can't be near anyone during my first days after treatment but I have to keep approximately 3-4 feet between me and everyone else. With small kids who like to randomly run up to you it doesn't work so well, so I'll get to stay in my room just so that doesn't happen and I don't radiate my kids. Just over a week after my radiation I'll go for another scan to ensure that the thyroid tissue has taken up all the radioactive iodine and it's doing it's job. Then, for at least a little while I should be done. I'll get to go back on my hormone replacement a couple of days after the radiation and should start to feel OK decently quickly. A few follow-up appointments and then life will continue on with appointments only every 3 months or so instead of weekly as it seems now. And another full-body scan 6-9 months later to ensure that the cancer has been completely eradicated and we can move on. So that's the plan. It's gone from being a pretty simple and quick timeline to a much more complicated and long deal. But by late spring we should be pretty much done and life will continue on.

I'm so very thankful that God is with me through all of this and I know that He's listening to me and hearing all my, and your, prayers. He is giving me strength to make it through and I believe that He'll give me the strength to do so joyfully. It's not exactly fun to go through and there are trials and hardships, but there are also victories and those are awesome. I can't wait for this to all be done and be able to look back and see how amazingly God has been working through the whole thing. There have already been a ton of "God Moments" and things that only God could do and I can't wait to see what else He has in store.