God Can Even Use The Government...

God works in mysterious but miraculous ways! If you know much about me or have been reading my blog for any length of time then you know that about two months ago Jeff and I FINALLY become Permanent Residents of the U.S. This process took us a staggering 4 years to accomplish and included multiple changes to the immigration process, a couple of "lost" forms that took months to "find" (on the government's end), a bunch of increases to the immigration fees and having to repeat medical exams because too much time had lapsed because of how long and slow the process was. At the time it was beyond frustrating. It stopped us from doing a bunch of things that we wanted to do and made some things a lot harder. We prayed and prayed for it to all come to an end, a couple of times we even thought it was right around the corner and started to make plans but alas, no, the process just kept going. I was so fed up with how long it was taking that when we got the notice that we had to do another medical exam I was mad, frustrated and then mad again. We'd already spent almost a thousand dollars more than anticipated because the fees had gone up a bunch from the time we originally paid them until the time it was actually completed and I was in no mood to keep paying money when it seemed like it never helped move our case along. But, I went for the exam and paid my money and sent in the report. A few short weeks later we received the notice that our case had been accepted and our cards were on their way. What an awesome and amazing day that was!

But here's where God worked in all that... At the time it sucked, like, really sucked. But looking back God was so completely in it. You see, if our paperwork hadn't gotten lost, if it hadn't taken so long, and if we hadn't had to redo our immigration medical exams, my cancer would never have been found. Yup, you read that right... I have cancer.

Now, before you start getting all worked up about it, or even beginning to feel pity, sympathy or any other negative emotion, don't. It's not where I'm at or what I need. I am completely choosing and believing that this is a God thing. God's hand has been in it since the beginning and he knows exactly what is going on, what's going to happen and why it's all happening. I know that this is not just something that "slipped through the cracks" because of something I did or didn't do, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God, in his perfection, has a plan that is far greater than anything I could ever dream up. So please, stand in agreement with us and believe for a complete healing and for strength in this journey. At this moment in time I'm not having any really obvious or challenging symptoms and therefore don't really need anything in the way of help or anything, but I will covet your prayers for my family and me. And now, back to the story....

So if it wasn't for having to redo the medical exam I would never have gone to see Dr. X (not my regular doctor), the one who found that my thyroid was enlarged and that I needed some further "studies" done. I had actually had my thyroid checked just after I had Noah because of some concerns that I had and some of them pointed to having a thyroid issue. But all the lab work that I had at that time came back at the right levels and my doctor hadn't noticed anything strange upon a physical exam so I left it alone thinking everything was just fine and dandy. I also had a basic physical exam at the beginning of my last two pregnancies that included feeling my neck and at neither time was anything noticed. It was only Dr. X who noticed and again, it was God who made it so that I would see her when I did. Anyway - Dr. X sent me for an ultrasound and it came back that I had a rather significant sized nodule on my thyroid. Thyroid nodules are really common, especially in women, and they told me that there was a very small chance (somewhere around 5%) that it was anything to be concerned about but sent me to an endocrinologist for follow up just in case. It took 6 weeks before I was able to get in to see the specialist and I was feeling pretty good about it. I did a little research on the computer and what I found generally made me feel better, although, I would go on to learn that the size of my nodule and my age would put me at a slightly higher risk, but still somewhere around 10%, so not too much chance that it was anything.

The endocrinologist was nice but a little concerned too, so he sent me off for a biopsy, although, because I was 36-weeks-pregnant at the time he told me to wait until 3-4 weeks after I had the baby. So almost two months later I finally went in and had my biopsy done. It wasn't a horrible procedure, and it went relatively quickly, but it wasn't completely painless either. And in reality the pain after the procedure was probably greater than the pain during the procedure. And then came the wait for the results.

We prayed, believing that God would heal me and the results would come back benign, but somewhere I knew, and had a complete peace about it, that God had something else planned for me. I'm not saying that I didn't believe he could heal me because I did believe he could, just that, in the same way I knew that our house had a major mold issue even before any obvious signs came out, I knew this was going to end up being "something". So when I got the call from my endocrinologist, it didn't take me long to figure out, long before he even said the words "You have cancer" that that's exactly what he was going to say. I was sort of in shock because I kept thinking that I was crazy to feel the way I did about the fact that I thought I had cancer, but at the same time I was completely calm and understanding about the whole thing. He referred me to an ENT Surgeon to schedule an appointment with in the next week and basically told me little else than "we're going to have to remove your thyroid". After hanging up with him, I put the kids down for their "naps/quiet time" and took a minute to get my bearings and then called Jeff to let him know the news.

And that's when it really hit me. The first time that I said, out loud, "I have cancer" the tears started flowing. It took me by surprise, my response to hearing me say it out loud, because I had somewhat known it for a while and had said it in my head quite a few times before I actually made the call, but still, just saying it out loud made it a lot more "real". It took me a few minutes to gain my composure and then I was fine again, at least until I called my mom and told her the news and said it out loud for the second time. I have gotten much more used to saying it now, although, when I had to make my appointment with the surgeon and had to say why I needed to come in, it was kind of hard to say "for thyroid cancer". But, it is what it is. Thankfully, it's probably one of the best cancers you can get (not that there is a good cancer) as in most circumstances it is relatively easy to remove the cancer and the chances of it being life threatening or even anything close to that are really small, especially in my circumstance. As of right now, Thursday afternoon, I don't know a whole lot more than I have thyroid cancer and that I'm going to have to have my thyroid removed. (I'm writing this the day after I found about it even though I'm not posting it until at least Monday or Tuesday, just so that I can get all of my thoughts out and have some documentation about it before I forget all the details. I still have a ton of leftover pregnancy forgetfulness!) I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon with the surgeon and I'll have a lot more info at that time. Until then I'm doing everything I can to stay positive and stand in my faith that God, who is perfect in every way and in everything that he does, is in complete control of me, my life, my family and this whole situation.

Right now it's a little hard to come to grip with the fact that I have cancer. I think it's harder on those around me than actually on me, myself. At this point I don't really have any physical complications or symptoms that I notice, at least nothing that really affects how I feel or anything in my day to day life. I have felt a slight "fulness" in my neck for quite some time, I actually can't remember when I started feeling it. But I had gained a little more weight then I had planned with this last pregnancy and I figured some of it must have just gone to my neck or something like that. Since I had the biopsy I have had quite a bit more discomfort and even a little pain. And I know feel like I have a constant "I just cried really hard and have that annoying lump in my throat" kind of feeling. I've had a slightly harder time swallowing pills and stuff for a while and now I know why, there's a mass pushing on my esophagus. Also in the past week or so swallowing has gotten slightly harder and more uncomfortable. The problem is, I don't know if I'm just making myself think all this is getting worse or it actually is. Generally, thyroid cancer is slow moving/growing so why have a noticed a drastic increase in the past week or so? I think there is definitely some "power of suggestion" going on but also some actual effects. I guess I'll find out more tomorrow at my doctor's appointment. I would say, please pray that my appointment tomorrow would go well, but by the time that this is made public the appointment will be long over. But, I'll still accept all the prayers I can get, just please keep the confessions positive!

We have so much to be thankful for! I am so blessed that this was found and that we can now deal with it. Also, I'm am so thankful for my little guy, Caleb, who was born perfectly healthy and that there were no complications during my pregnancy, delivery or anything else, all of which happened while having this cancer. I'm so thankful to have an amazing family who are willing to do whatever is necessary to help me and my family out during this time. Also for the friends and our church that we know will stand with us as we declare God's goodness, grace and mercy through all of this. And mostly, I thank God that he is with me through every step of this;that his mercies endure for ever; that every good and perfect gift comes from him; that he has a plan to prosper me, not to harm me, to give me a hope and a future; and so, so many more promises that he has given me, and each one of you.

Edited to Add: There really needs to be some way to easily tell just how bad the type or stage of the cancer is when it's first talked about. I have now received my diagnosis and after hearing more about what it is and where it's at, it's not nearly as bad as when I first heard the word "cancer". Doctors really should let you know, when they initially call you to give you the results, just a little bit of detail so that you don't do what most, if not all people who receive the diagnosis of cancer do and think of the worst case scenario or something a lot worse than it is. Just the word "cancer" sounds terrible, but in reality, thyroid cancer, especially when caught early, is really easy to deal with, and though it's still "cancer" I think it should be called something with less serious connotations. Just my thoughts, though.